I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Randomize
