I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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