So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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