Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
