if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Ketchup is God's man juice
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
