Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
