You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
