Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
