sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
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