K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
