yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Randomize
