Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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