he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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