so explain again why im purple
no
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize