You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize