I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
