do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
