white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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