Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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