Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
