i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
