he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
