I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
