i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
