Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
