wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
