So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
