So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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