And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
