Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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