Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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