He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
