I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
