Me too!
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
