Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
