I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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