I hate all girls vehemently.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
