Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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