My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
