I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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