3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
