So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
