My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
