I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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