and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
