nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
