9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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