I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
you made out with another girl for some wings
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
