I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
