what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
