we're blogging at a bar
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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