No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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