the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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