your parents love me but you hate me
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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