Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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