You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
