I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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