im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i came on her dog
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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