There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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