And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
