i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
