So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
