I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
