I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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