If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Randomize