Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
There r osticjed everywhere
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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