Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
