our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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